Terry Jones: Tony and the pixies

posted by admin on Sunday March 23, @05:16PM

Online commentary: Democracy in Iraq? Peace and reconstruction? Hasn't Tony been paying attention on his trips to Washington?

Terry Jones
Sunday March 23, 2003

Dear Tony,

I'm terribly worried that you may be losing your grip on reality.

For example, a few days ago you went on television and announced that after the US has bombed Baghdad "We shall help Iraq move towards democracy."

Now I don't want to be a wet blanket, Tony, but was it a leprechaun who suggested this idea to you?

Since the Second World War, the US has bombed China, Korea, Guatemala, Indonesia, Cuba, Guatemala (again), Peru, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala (third time lucky), Grenada, Lebanon, Libya, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Iran, Panama, Iraq, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Afghanistan and Yugoslavia - in that order - and in not a single case did the bombing produce a democratic government as a direct result.

Why do you think it will be any different in Iraq? Or did your fairy godmother promise you this along with a golden coach?

Advertisement

In the same TV appearance you also went a bit dreamy and said that you were going to "put the money from Iraqi oil in a UN trust fund so that it benefits Iraq and no one else."

Hasn't anyone told you that they've been debating how to use the Iraqi oil field money in the White House for months, and there is a strong body of opinion that thinks it's a good idea to use it to cover the expense of the US military operation, which, let's face it, is going to be colossal. $6-$9 billion a month - that's a lot of money for a nation in the economic mess George W Bush's America is currently in.

And then what on earth did you say to that nice Clare Short to persuade her not to resign? She came out of your office saying that you'd "persuaded President Bush that there must be a UN resolution on creating a UN mandate for the reconstruction of Iraq."

Now come on! You've been playing with the pixies haven't you? You know perfectly well that President Bush and his people don't give a goblin's cuss for the UN. Richard Perle, who happens to be chairman of Mr. Bush's defence policy board, only this week called the UN "the chatterbox on the Hudson" - despite the fact that it's on the East River (hope his geography is a bit more accurate when he starts ordering the bombing!)

Perle was penning an obituary for the United Nations and he didn't seem too sad to see it go. "What will die is the fantasy of the UN as the foundation of a new world order...the liberal conceit of safety through international law administered by international institutions."

And what will replace the UN, in Mr. Perle's fairy tale world? Why the good ole USA of course! It will administer worldwide justice and punishment in the interests of "a new century favourable to American principles and interests". Not much comfort there for us elves and brownies.

You know Mr Bush and his advisors can't wait to sell the UN building off as a luxury apartments with stunning views of the East River - sorry, Richard! - the Hudson. (I'm sure they're going to swap the names so as to bring the chairman of the defence policy board's remarks into line with reality.)

And, Tony, I hope you didn't persuade Clare to stay in your government by promising that she could be in charge of all the UN reconstruction and humanitarian aid, because you know that's only going to happen in dreamland.

Mr Bush and his chums want this to be an exclusively US business. They're only allowing American companies to bid for the £640 million worth of reconstruction planned (paid for no doubt by Iraqi oil) and that includes running the health and education services. Poor Clare is going to have a big empty office and nothing to do in it.

What's more the UN won't continue its humanitarian aid (which currently feeds 60% of Iraqis) because the yanks will insist on US troops delivering it. Washington boasts that its soldiers, when they've killed enough people, will magically transform into kindly aid workers. But Justin Forsyth, the head of policy at Oxfam says: "We don't want our aid equipment to be offloaded off the back of a US military lorry, because if we were to do that we would be seen as part of a belligerent force."

So all little Clare Short will have got for compromising her principles and making herself a laughing stock is a short trip to Washington and somebody else's hanky to blow her nose in.

And I bet you don't make her Deputy Prime Minister in the next reshuffle.

Now I can't believe that you have done any of this deliberately. It must be those fairy folk, whispering in your ear. So why don't you look into your heart and see if there is any glimmer of truth and honour left in there, and then chase those goblins and elves away. It could just work.

Best wishes,

Terry Jones

· Terry Jones writes regularly for The Observer. To all those readers who have written in to ask if this Terry Jones had anything to do with Monty Python, the answer is yes.

Source..."

<  US accuses Russians of aiding Iraqi defence | Daily Update on Iraq from Russian Journalists/Mili  >